I've been quiet the past few days. I brought some sort of nasty stomach bug back with me, a consequence of fighting off all of my families' germs AND the invasion of deadly air-borne cat-poisons that they like to dust their houses with, and it's had me completely laid out.

Well, not completely. I've still had time to work like mad on my comics. Holy hell, when did my buffer slip down so low? Oh yeah, this weekend was supposed to be my big chance to catch up again. Oh well. I'll make it up next weekend... oh crap. There's a game in Saskatoon next weekend. Well, one way or another, the updates will keep happening.

I'm glad I went though. It was a whirlwind trip - I spent more time traveling than visiting, and was on the road by 7:00 most mornings, but I got to see a lot of family that I hadn't seen in years. My aunt (great aunt, really, but she liked it when I called her auntie) was very careful in her preparations. She didn't want a traditional funeral - either Cree or Catholic, like most funerals on the reserve. Instead, she wanted her family to sit down together and talk, and eat, and laugh. It was a wonderful idea, and even after her death, she provided for the whole family. The cabbage rolls we had were one of the last things she ever cooked - she had made and frozen several huge tubs of them back when she was still well enough to do so. I have a huge amount of respect for her dignity and for her tenderness. She did all she could to make her death easier on her family.

Her family... I had missed them all dearly. These people, my great aunts, uncles, and even more distant relations, were the ones whose homes I would visit while wandering the Qu'Appelle valley with my cousins, chasing tadpoles in Crooked Creek or climbing the hills in search of "dinosaur eggs" and cacti. Some, like my great great aunt, look exactly how I remember them. Others have changed so much it made my heart ache with the memories of other times.

I also got to spend some time with my Mom and my sister, which was nice. They've been going through a rough time lately - since my brother ran away to live with his dad, it hasn't really felt like the same family, or so my sister says. We shared a room that night, and stayed up late watching Grey's Anatomy. It was very comfortable and familiar - sort of like before I moved out on my own, when my sister was still very young. Of course, back then, my brother would have come in for cuddles as well, back before he decided that being an addict with a crack-ho girlfriend was the way to go. Stupid little shit.

Like I said before, it was nice, but it required a few days of downtime to recover from, emotionally. Maybe the stomach bug was well timed?

How was your day yesterday, Alina?

Why, it sucked very much. Thanks for asking!

Lunchbreak - 12:15. I go outside to check my phone messages. (No cell phones in the office) I have a message from my grandpa, saying only to call him back urgently. I know something is wrong by the tone of his voice.

My great-aunt passed away Friday morning. She had cancer. Last time I saw her, she had started chemo but still looked strong. That was two months ago. I took a moment, out amongst all the towering steel buildings, to remember her house. It smelled of smoke - tobacco and sweetgrass. Her hair was so long it brushed the top of my head when I was little. She had a deep, gravelly voice from years of smoking, but a beautiful laugh.

I went for a walk, and then went back to work. I was supposed to meet with my supervisor after lunch to talk about extending my contract. They were quite happy with my work, and I had heard a lot of talk about them keeping me on permamently. The meeting got pushed back, so it wasn't until I was getting my timesheet signed at the end of the day that I found out that I wouldn't be filling one out next week. It was like straight out of a British comedy.

Me: "Thanks! I'll see you on Monday!" (pause) "Something wrong?"
Her: "Well, no, no... It's just, we won't see you on Monday. We're not renewing your contract after all. Budget restraints, you know. The CEO has made his decision." (helpless shrug)
Me: ... "Oh."
Her: "It's not that we weren't pleased with you - we were! If we could have kept you on, we would have. Really." (pleading, uncomfortable smile)
Me: "...Right." (brightly) "Well, it's been a pleasure working with you. Really. I enjoyed my time here." (awkward silence) "I suppose I'll be going now."

It's no big deal - I was working there on a temporary basis, the temp company I was working through has already promised me another placement sometime next week, and I have a good lead on something even better and -not- through a temp agency. But, still...

I worked the rest of the afternoon without showing my displeasure - professional as always, if slightly less sunny than usual. Then, I packed my things and left.

I finally broke in the line at the Swiss Chalet Express while Layne and I were getting supper and left him, rather bewildered, holding our receipt and wondering why I'd suddenly decided to go sit in the car for a bit. It had been a long day. I wanted to be with my family.

* * *

Which is why, at the time I this post, I am sitting at my grandfather's house in North Battleford. I took a bus as far as Lloyd, where he kindly picked me up. Tomorrow, we'll drive from here to Regina. When am I coming back? I don't know. How will I get home again? No clue!! I'll figure something out. I always do.

I pretty much missed Talk Like a Pirate Day. (Though, thankfully, my comic didn't.) There was no question of even uttering a halfhearted "yarr" at my new job.

I am now working on the 23rd floor of an office tower in the heart of downtown Edmonton, working for a corporation with a name so corporate that you can't even tell what sort of business they do just by hearing it. Law firm? Accountants? Professional assassins? Who knows??

I am their new "graphic designer". The quotation marks are because though I have a fairly nice set-up graphics wise, with all the latest Adobe toys to play with, all of the corporate branding has already been done and everything from the brochures to the flyers to the invitations to the corporate lunches (sorry, morale building nourishment sessions)has already long since been cast in stone. There's a forty page document describing the proper Pantones and spacing to use in all publications, right down to what sort of bullets are acceptable for use in a proposal. (Myriad or Times, with the possibility of certain Arial diamonds. Garamond is right out of the question.)

So what do I design, then? Not a whole lot. I'm less graphic designer, and more assembly line girl. Open file, insert .eps logos, update text, proof, convert to .pdf, rinse, repeat.

Is it a bad job? No. Not really. My key strokes are logged, so I can't check my email or take a break to surf the internet (not keeping up with my comic's forum is killing me!!), and I'm on the edge of cubicle city right by the main thoroughfare, so doodling is a no-no. There's not much to do but grind through the work, and man, is there ever a lot to grind through.

So, pros and cons? Pros: I'm kept busy, I'm paid well, I get my pick of all sorts of fancy teas from the break room, and the view out the windows of the executives' offices almost makes the bee-hive bearable. They look right over the river valley, and the early fall colors are breathtaking.

Cons: Jesus, it's been a long time since I've had to wear a suit to work. It feels...wrong. Like a blander version of me. Also - I can't tell the bosses apart. They seem to be identical clones in expensive suits and haircuts with very white teeth. I feel the urge to label them with different colored sticky notes.

Haven't felt much like blogging lately, even though there's been plenty of stuff to talk about. Heck, it's likely I haven't blogged lately because there's plenty of stuff to talk about, and little time to do so. But now, I blog again. We'll see how long this lasts. I'd like to do a random thought a day, and while that sounds easy, I have no idea if I'll keep it up.

So, here's today's random thought - Every have a night where you were exhausted, but just couldn't sleep? Ever had a night where everyone in your house was the same way? It happened frequently to me when I was younger. I'd come downstairs in the early hours, red-eyed and restless after finally surrendering to the fact that I wasn't going to sleep that night or maybe ever again, and the rest of my family would be milling about doing much the same.

The past few nights have been a repeat of this experience. Lying in bed, utterly exhausted but almost feverish with a surplus of this weird energy running through me. Not "Oh hey, let's go running!" energy, or chasing-your-thoughts-around type energy, just an odd electric current that won't let you sleep. Poor Layne's been getting just as crappy sleep, and it's not just because I've been thrashing around. (Actually, there's surprisingly little movement - I spent most of last night pressed against the wall on my side of the bed, praying to whatever gods would listen to just let me sleep.)

I hope I can sleep tonight.